Fear and Loathing prior to the Grand Canyon Journey...

I might have mentioned I'm the only female, of a group of 10.  I only know two people on the trip, and only one is considered a good friend.  The majority of the group is from the east coast, and I live in Seattle.

These are merely minor concerns.

The real fears revolve around my Lyme disease.  Me telling you that doesn't mean much of anything.  And frankly, it feels a little weird to be telling you all this.  But, this is my life.  And these are the things I think about while planning and preparing for this trip.



Lyme is different for everyone, and the healing journey has been a bit of a roller coaster.  My biggest trouble has always been fatigue, which has only gotten better in December, right before I was invited on this trip. 

With my arsenal of antibiotics and supplements, I have to choose wisely what to take with me.  This is a very real part of my trip preparation, as it would be for anyone with some kind of illness.  And for this reason, I am sharing this part of my experience with you.  I also hope to inspire those who think they can't... maybe you can... you have to live.  You have to feed your soul.

No room for all of this crap!

Right now, I'm on a pulsing schedule with three different antibiotics.  My naturopathic doctor has me taking numerous supplements... handfuls a day of pills!

Well, space is at a premium, and I don't have room for all of this.  I scheduled an appointment with my ND to specifically discuss the trip.  She approves, but her expression is concern, sprinkled with a bit of, "are you crazy?"  I think she knows there's no changing my mind.

For the trip, I cut down on the pills to the bare essentials: one antibiotic, one probiotic, and specific supplements to address energy, adrenal support, sore muscles, and detox.  I'm also to put electrolytes in everything I consume.  She said that staying hydrated is the best thing I can do for myself.

Another challenge is my diet.  I'm mostly gluten-free and avoid corn, potatoes, and limit myself to one starch per day.  I'm supposed to avoid sugar as well, but I'm not always so good at that.  Whole foods, nothing processed.

I haven't entirely figured out my food plan, but I have worked some things out.  Breakfast will be quinoa flakes (hot cereal) with ground flaxseed, nuts, and dried fruit.  Snacks will include nuts, seeds, dried fruit, hard salami, beef jerky, dark chocolate, and lara bars.  Dinner is the tough one, and how do I live without fresh fish, fresh vegetables, and coconut milk?

I'm definitely worried about doing this trip. I fear I'm going to have a major herx or bout of fatigue while in the canyon.  I'm scared i won't be able to keep the pace with my comrades.  I'm scared I'll be tired and have trouble rolling my boat.  And I loathe that I have to deal with this.

There are a few things I do keep in mind, that ease my worries:

• There should be a good amount of current to help carry me down.  I don't need to make moves or surf or paddle hard, except for when necessary.
• I can go straight to bed after dinner (if needed) and get a lot of sleep.  I will not be consuming any caffeine, except for what is in my chocolate rations.  Good sleep is imperative.
• I don't have to drive anywhere, commute, or work a full-time job.  All I have to do is... live, breathe, paddle, camp, and eat. Ahhh, the simple life.
• I'm aware of my ability to push through to exhaustion.  I did it this spring.  This was prior to my diagnosis, and I continued to go on frequent boating adventures.  Of course, this is what led to my exhaustion and an "off" season (four swims and a weakened roll).  I would do it differently knowing what I know now.
• I got my official diagnosis just a few days before running the Selway, and I did just fine on that trip.  Of course, this trip will be longer, colder, and harder. 

Never before have I relied so much on my intuition.  This is a risky situation.  My mind worries.  But when I sit and get quiet, there's not a doubt in mind that I should do this.  I need to do this.

Only one person on my team knows I have Lyme, and that is the very person who invited me along.  I chose not to tell my teammates about my condition.  Why?  I guess I'm scared of not being allowed to come, or judged and thought of as weak (though I am weak).  I'll discuss later whether or not this was a good choice.

So here we go, it is my decision alone whether I put on the river.  My evaluation whether or not I have the physical energy to do such a trip.  My evaluation of my skills at this time to run class III-IV big water.  I may be taking a chance.  I may be putting myself at risk.  But what else am I supposed to do?  Stay at home and get a bunch of cats?

“So we shall let the reader answer this question for himself: who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed?”
― Hunter S. Thompson